In the intro, it mentions I’m a mental health consumer and I’ve struggled with obesity my whole life. I was “the fat one” in a family of 9 living children. I was also the artistic, sensitive one, which is a stereotype in our culture that artists tend to be creatures of passion who overindulge in food or drink.
I saw social workers a couple of times as an adolescent, once in the first year of my parent’s separation when I was 14, but she felt my reaction was understandable for the situation. I saw another for a few months when I was a freshman in college, and I was more clearly depressed though it was largely occasioned by a long distance romance. Once that situation was resolved, I was a relatively happy young woman.
I married and struggled a bit with adjusting to married life. I engaged in a lot of troubles talk with my mother or whoever else I could get to listen. Eventually I became pregnant and experienced persistent hormonal dysphoria, which I figured related to the PMS like conditions of early pregnancy.
Tragically, my first child died of a heart defect when he was 5 days old. We hadn’t known about it before hand, so it was a terrible shock. I wound up hospitalized with postpartum psychosis and was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, based on my history of running to emotional extremes. I was in my early 20′s.
As I recovered from this experience, I undertook to repress all emotion as best I could, and that was how I operated for several years. I did have a couple more children, and eventually recovered some balance of participating in an emotional and spiritual life without fearing a loss of control, though I still had severe mood swings with hormones. I came to accept these as a symptom of hormonal conditions rather than try to figure out if there was something wrong with my life situation.
During my fourth pregnancy, when I was 32, I experienced clinical levels of Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that resulted in disordered eating and concern from my doctor. I saw a therapist again for a while but didn’t take medication as the animal study data was not reassuring about starting anti depressants later in pregnancy. I found relief of much of my symptoms through cognitive behavioral modifications and 12 step recovery, which I looked into to deal with my compulsive eating but also helped my anxiety.
Eating healthier created an upward spiral lessening the physiologic components of my symptoms. My hormonal mood swings became barely noticeable, even through my fifth pregnancy when I was 40. I though my mental issues were a thing of the past, but after that baby was born he had potentially serious health problems which caused me to feel dysfunctional levels of anxiety, and I was on antidepressant therapy for several months.
Last December I found I was very close to my pre-pregnancy weight, which had been well into the obese zone, and I decided it was time to lose some weight. I had been borderline obese since high school, and had now and then lost a little weight. But several stressors and my advancing age had slowed my metabolism to the point that more was required. I had some issues about trying to control my food intake, but since I was still nursing a baby I decided I had to track my food to ensure I ate enough. It worked so well that I became inspired to go beyond my wishful driver’s license weight and go for a normal BMI.
80-95% of people who reach a weight loss goal regain the weight. At first I wondered how I would overcome these odds, but I have delved into the findings of the National Weight Control Registry and feel secure that in sticking with the science, my maintenance is in my hands.
Endure to the Middle 